Reflection: Who am I?
The dominant culture, my home culture, and the cultures of others have shaped my cultural frame and identity in the following ways and I have had to negotiate my identity in multiple spaces (SJ I.5):
My cultural frame: white/European from ancestors who immigrated to the US and continued to move West, most recently with my grandparents and parents moving to Hawai’i (originally in the 1940s). As far as we know, ethnically I’m mostly originated from the British Isles, including Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. DNA tests on both sides of the family revealed that we are 100% European, though prior to this testing there were family theories of Native American and other races as well, especially on my paternal grandfather’s side. Hayden Stephens, Sr. had distinctive features and never reacted to poison ivy working on the farm outside of Nashville, Tennessee. My Dad spent his infancy in Hawai‘i (due to his Dad’s Navy service) and my Mom also (her Dad was a Methodist Minister), she was born in Honolulu while Hawai‘i was still a territory. They spent their young adulthoods on the Mainland, he in Florida, Tennessee, Idaho and Oregon, and she in California. My parents met in Portland, Oregon and returned to the Islands for the climate and to be close to my Mom’s parents when they had me.
I grew up in Kailua-Kona on the Island of Hawai‘i, and always lived close to the land. I am a Kama‘aina, a local haole. I went to public school, and was lucky to also take ballet lessons at a private studio and participate in community theatre. When I was teased in elementary and middle school, it was mostly “stupid haole,” “go home,” or variations of this. I think my immersion in ballet gave me good posture, but also made it appear I was from a higher socioeconomic class and snobby or haughty. My grandparents helped pay for my ballet lessons, and we truly were lower-middle class, but perceptions and bias are real, and I’m not sure anyone gets through school without being teased or bullied. I left for school, North Carolina School of the Arts for ballet, Whitman College for my BA in philosophy, then worked in admissions, student and life coaching, and dance in Washington and Oregon until my return to Hawai‘i almost 7 years ago. Now I’m a local girl who came back, for the love of the culture and climate, to be closer to my parents, and for love, as my wife got a job teaching here.
Living in North Carolina after Hawai‘i was quite a culture shock, as almost all of my fellow student artists were either black or white. As a public school, fifty percent of students were from in-state (some boarding and some day students as well as the college students), and the other half were from out-of-state. Coming from a diverse but largely brown-skinned world all of a sudden I was faced with a stark racial divide. Moving to the West Coast I joined educational communities that self-consciously promoted diversity and strove for equity.
My family is primarily middle-class, white collar professionals, mostly teachers, nurses, and other helping fields. Both my Mom and Dad have been social workers during their careers (she continued through till retirement, he became a charter boat captain and finish carpenter) and value education and serving the community. Both my parents have Bachelor’s degrees and my Mom went back for her Master’s as well, and they always hoped I would attend college, even though I wanted to be a professional dancer. They encouraged me to see a variety of perspectives. Socially and politically progressive, my parents and grandparents were always working for the good of the community, and encouraged a local and global perspective.
Power and privilege influence my relationships with others on interpersonal, intergroup and institutional levels in the following ways and some examples of how I have been affected by those dynamics (SJ J.14) are:
In the United States I am part of the dominant culture, and based on my appearance I’m afforded many privileges. As a woman I’m not at the same status as a man, but still being female has had advantages (once in college I’m pretty sure I got out of a speeding ticket for it). Being cisgendered has made my life easier than if I were non-binary or trans, yet I am a queer woman, so in some ways I am a fringe minority. Also being a performing artist is a small subculture of society, and I’ve worked in highly competitive fields where you need a thick skin, honed skills, and good connections. Situationally-aware, sensitive to others, responsive to the circumstances, while also knowing what I stand for and striving to be authentic. I’ve thought a lot about what it means to navigate systems of power while remaining true to self.
I have negotiated my identity in multiple spaces, such as public school in Kailua-Kona, in an arts conservatory on the East Coast, in a liberal arts college/the academy, in the professional world of higher education and coaching, and as a dance educator in multiple venues. I learned to “code switch” early on, hearing my parents change their accents depending on who they were talking to, a little bit of pidgin with locals, southern drawl with the Tennessee family, West Coast news anchor speak with the California family. They were models of navigating multiple identity lenses and spaces. I grew up feeling like a bit of a misfit, but found my tribe in theatre and dance and was happy to find safe, inclusive spaces in which to learn more about my identity and others. As an academic I have studied dance, philosophy, and coaching, and I consider myself an intersectional feminist.
I will negotiate my own cultural frame and identity as I work with diverse people to address issues of equity, diversity, access, and power in schools, and/or communities (SJ I.5) in the following ways:
Empathy is a skill that I value and cultivate. I can relate to others’ feelings of isolation, loneliness, and alienation and I can also see possibilities for growth and change. I have lived in many different places, participated in intercultural experiences throughout my life, interacted with a wide variety of people and identities in terms of nationality, race, ethnicity, gender, and socioeconomic strata. I strive to be open-minded as an individual and educator and continue to address my own biases as I grow. I’m a lifelong student and see it as my mission to support others in learning, seeing their own potential, and taking steps to a joyful and satisfying life of contribution.
Community: What is our need for change?
This Fall I was invited by another faculty member to become co-advisor to the Kaiser High School GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) and this way have gained many insights into the campus culture and ways current students would like it to change. I learned that there has been a GSA in the past, but participation petered out so it was inactive, but a new group of enthusiastic students wanted to come together to educate the campus community and have a safe space to socialize and take action. The students have brought up issues of gender identity, respect for trans*, genderqueer, & intersex students. They are seeking practical ways to address these topics on campus, starting with the faculty and then moving to students and families and the larger community.
A few issues the students chose to discuss with faculty and staff were personal pronoun usage (individual students and “boys and girls” language), grouping students (ways to do so without misgendering students or needlessly stereotyping), confronting/addressing hate speech (intentional or unintentional, education and awareness) and bullying in and out of the classroom. Students in the group identified key areas they wanted to make the faculty aware of and created a presentation for the Faculty Meeting this month. Their presentation was well-received and faculty have followed up for more information to share in their classrooms. Further actions in this area might include workshops or awareness-raising for students, theme days, marching in the Gay Pride parade in Honolulu, volunteering for other organizations for queer youth, and continuing the dialogue with administration about how to make the campus as welcoming and safe as it aspires to be.
There is definitely resistance and instances of hate toward the GSA and queer individuals at Kaiser High. Students involved with the organization have experienced bullying on social media. I am so glad that these students have a safe space to be together in the club and also are willing to take a risk and raise awareness around the issue on campus and in the community; I was blessed to have the opportunity to support them. The experience of advising the GSA at Kaiser High has opened my own mind to the discrimination and other experiences the students have. They have lots of ideas about what the campus community and larger community need to become more open-minded and accepting. Students are having a logo made for T-shirts and a banner for the Pride Parade next fall, wish to march as a group in said parade and festival, want to continue to educate faculty as well as students, and promote open-mindedness and acceptance of sexual minorities.